It’s the vibe
“It’s just the vibe,” my daughter would say when we asked her to explain why she didn’t like a certain college we visited.
I laughed a little, but knew I couldn’t really dismiss it.
Our brains and nervous systems are always assessing vibes of people and places to make predictions and guide us.
We know this: the way a person walks into a room; a tone of voice; feelings behind the words.
Like my daughter, we might not be able to explain it – “it’s just a vibe” – but it affects us all the time.
The science of a vibe
Through an automatic process in our nervous system called neuroception, we are constantly sensing the people around us, picking up signals through body language, tone, and eye contact to assess: Am I safe with this person? What is their intention?
The process is fast and reflexive, but we can work with the vibes that get sensed in the process if we become conscious of them.
Meeting the vibe with presence
In fact, we can use the invisible information in a vibe to improve our communication and how we’re making others feel.
For instance, if we walk into a room and the vibe is unsettled or uneasy, we can pause and shift our plan to meet that. Instead of jumping directly into the agenda, we can take a moment to breath, connect, or invite people to share what’s present for them.
Because our brains can also misinterpret information based on prior experience or bias, we might also get curious about how we’re interpreting a vibe of a person or situation. Is it accurate now, in this moment?
The same is true for the vibes we give off. Our emotions are contagious. Just as our anxiety and stress can affect others, so can our calm presence.
If we’re present and aware, we can begin to discern what’s invisible yet also important information.
How to get present to a vibe – 4 tips
- Slow down and pause, especially before important meetings
- Be curious about what is not being spoken (e.g. body language, tone of voice, eye contact, energy or other vibes)
- Notice your own body language and emotions – how you are showing up
- Embody the vibe you want to see
In these challenging times, we need leaders who can create safety and connection for those they lead – who can sense a vibe and meet it.
Photo by Dylan Gillis on Unsplash
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